Two lawyers walk into a pub.
They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches out of their briefcases and then they begin to eat them.
Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
…
..
.
The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and then exchange sandwiches.
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Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.
The first says, “Fellas, I’ve got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock, I get up, and I try to urinate. All day long, I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine, but nothing helps.”
The second old man says, “You think you have problems. I’m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00, I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff, but nothing helps.”
Finally, the third old man speaks up: “Fellas: I’m ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp, I urinate. Every morning at 8:00, I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp, I wake up.”
===================================
A 97-year-old man goes into the insurance office and says to the insurer:
“Hello, my son. I want to have a life insurance policy.”
Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: “Sorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?”
“You know, my son, I will travel with my father to Europe.”
Even more perplexed, the insurer asks: “Again, sorry, but how old is your father?”
“127. ”
“127? And what will you do in Europe?”
He answers: “We will go to my grandfather’s wedding.”
Even more shocked, the insurer asks: “And how old is your grandfather?”
“He is … Oh, 150.”
And the insurer, ready to hear everything now, asks: “Oh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?”
“Bullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!”
